From Delhi with love
A pocket guide to surviving martial law
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Is this a white streak which I see before me? |
Dear Islamabad,
You were probably dismayed when your leader declared martial law today. We Delhiites know a thing or two about living through an Emergency. Just follow a few simple rules, and everything will be ok:
- The ruler will try to buy off the masses. Now’s the time to stock up on cheap gas, flour and rice. You can mark it up on the black market later when it all goes south.
- If you’re a dissident, get the hell out of the country. Change your hairstyle, put on a disguise and head for the border. It sucks spending six months in jail without MTV or Indian serials and only heroin addicts for company.
- If you run an MNC, spirit out your cash and machinery. It’s only a matter of days before they’re nationalized.
- Beware of white vans roaming the streets. You never know when you’ll be grabbed from behind, operated upon and turned loose sans gonads.
- If you’re highly-placed in the government, flatter the ruler. Suggest that his already polished world image will soar once he grandly announces the restoration of democracy. Assure him he’s well-loved and sure to win the election.
- If you’re benighted Benazir, you’re currently the biggest chutiya in Pakistan. Carry on quietly cheating honest people. Bit your time until the dictator gets assassinated or exiled.
Follow this guide, and you’ll soon be well on your way to having a different America-backed dictator willing to blow up Pakistanis and Indians alike.
She might even be prettier.
– Your friendly neighbors in Delhi
on Saturday, November 3rd, 2007, 4:05 pm in Humor, Musharraf, Pakistan, Politics › 
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Let a thousand Shaukat Azizes bloom.
“If you’re a dissident, get the hell out of the country. Change your hairstyle, put on a disguise and head for the border.”
which is fine, unless you’re entering through the gujarat border. in which case, gonads aren’t the only things you’ll be sans courtesy the benevolent mr. n. modi.
Is it proven that Mushy was behind the Mumbia attacks (provide link)? If that so please do us a favor and show the proof to the UN and the world and get rid off him.
Mushy was definitely behind the Kargil attacks and he extensively used the ISI and the jihadi outfits to target India. There is very little doubt about it. In fact that was the keystone of Pak/US strategy in Afghanistan during the Cold War, which was later exported to India after the end of Cold War. Unfortunately, the fire that he played with has come to bite him back… quite severely if I may add.
Somehow I reached this page … and find the comments rather unfortunate. People of Pakistan are no different from people of India … we are one people … we fought the war of independence as one people … we were divided by the machinations of the British … just like Iraq has been divided today … uniting people by hating others is an old trick … remember you can fool some people all the time … it has nothing to do with poverty … or Islam … or even education … you can see this work in India … and you can see it work in America.
This is not the time to rejoice at the fire in your brothers house … but to help put out that fire … lest it might spread to yours. The Pakistani Judiciary has shown remarkable courage … far more impressive than our own Judiciary during our emergency … and people of Pakistan have shown remarkable courage in going against the Military and the Taliban. just like Indians they are condemned to chose from rotten leaders. Your writings would have been fine without the C word … and I do not know why the commentators have gone on a tangent … and make it a Hindu Muslim thing.
The new generation should work at reuniting Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh … after all we were one people not too long ago … and not perpetuate the hatred and keep us divided. Just imagine if we were one nation how much stronger we would be … others know it and that is why they keep us divided … while all the time forging unity among themselves … creating NATO’s and European Union. We Indians have the largest contribution to make … for we know … and have the experience … we have survived the Telugu Desams and the Khalistanis.
Dictators come and go … and this guy too is not going to last … I wish the people of Pakistan well … I wish they could elect one from the courageous justices to guide their nation.
Both the Indian Emergency of 1975-77 (’anushaasan parva‘)and the current Pakistani (’hangaami haalat‘) , were/are aimed at the Judiciary. The record of the Indian Judiciary in the matter, particularly the Supreme Court, is quite mixed. Contrariwise, the Pakistan Supreme Court appears to have shown considerable spine, perhaps even going a bit too far in its activism.
So Indians have one less reason to feel superior over Pakistanis, and that, is at least one good thing that will come out of this.
Amazing, burbak, your comments and mine echo similar sentiments, and both appeared at exactly the same time: 7:32 pm. We were typing at the same time!
I salute your wise commentary.
… and I salute yours.
burbak - don’t mean to pour cold water on your blossoming relationship with chachaji, but i just have to point out - it was not, as you suggest, the “the machinations of the British “, which led to the partition. it was the elite muslims led by jinnah who resolved not to live in a democratic state where the once ruled would be their rulers.
ps - in light of gujarat and the general second or third class status afforded to the muslims of india, i can hardly blame them.
It is true that Pakistan wouldn’t have been possible without the Muslim landlords of Punjab and the old Muslim elites of UP throwing their weight behind it, and yes, some of them were scared of what democracy and socialism would do to their power and their economic interests, as well they should have been. But this actually happened somewhat late, in the 1940s.
The machinations of the British however began in earnest post-1857. It was a combination of ‘divide et impera‘ with Great Game logic that laid the real foundation for Pakistan. Especially - the various plans for separate electorates they came up with, the Partition of Bengal, the separate cultivation of people like Syed Ahmed Khan, separate (and often secret) meetings with Muslim League - did a lot to create a separate Muslim political consciousness. Beginning in the 1930s, (and especially after it became clear that Nehru was going to lead Congress and that he had socialist leanings), the idea of Pakistan was encouraged by British strategists who wanted a miltarized garrison state to forestall what they saw as Russian attempts to seek Persian Gulf ‘warm water’ ports. And if you look at the history of Pakistan to date, this is precisely the role it has played in British and US strategy. And all the different coups it has had, but especially Zia’s and both of Musharraf’s coups - have had Great Game, or neo-Great Game logic in their background.
Chachaji,
Both the emergencies have 30 years between them, I am sure that will account for something.
It is true that Pakistan idea gained considerable steam after the Muslim elite threw their weight behind it. But this did not happen till the 1940s. The British machinations began in earnest post-1857. It was a combination of events set in motion by the ‘divide-et-impera‘ and ‘Great Game’ logic which eventually led to the creation of Pakistan. After the late 1930s, when it became clear that Nehru would not only lead the Congress but was also socialist in mindset, the need for such a state assumed greater importance in the minds of British strategists.
And BTW, all coups in Pakistan, including both of Musharraf’s, can be seen as having been encouraged by exigencies arising from Great Game, Cold War, and neo-Great Game logic(s), all of which posit the need for a miltarized garrison state south and just east of the major Afghan mountain ranges, and which also demand a compliant, or at least not antagonistic population in the areas currently known as NWFP and FATA.
I’m with Burbak and chachaji.
Let peace prevail.
Hatred only brings sorrow.
i’m with suede, burbak and chachaji.