Cruising through Alzheimer’s: a rant about U, Me aur Hum
[Looking at all the positive reviews this film has got, I have a feeling I'm going to be lynched for this post. Never mind - at least it'll balance out all the times I get asked "HOW could you write good things about that dreadful book?! Did you have some kind of arrangement with the author?" The one thing this post should make clear is that there was no exchange of monies between the Devgans and me]
Ajay Devgan’s directorial debut U, Me aur Hum is one of the most grating and poorly written films I’ve seen in months. This is two bad movies for the price of one: the first half is a shrill, overwrought comedy full of insufferable characters (I yearned for the relative tastefulness of the Kader Khan-Shakti Kapoor tracks in 1980s films) and redeemed only by some nice cruise footage; then it changes tack midway to become an equally shrill, overwrought drama about the effect of Alzheimer’s on a sufferer and her loved ones. But predictably, having decided to take on a “serious” issue (perhaps because of the respectability tag), it simply cops out in the end.
The story begins with a young (and fabulously rich) psychiatrist named Ajay (Devgan) goofing about on a cruise vacation with four friends (two couples, whose tiresome shenanigans and vulgar jokes get an astonishing amount of screen time). When bar-girl Piya (Kajol) asks Ajay “Anything you desire, sir?” and he replies “Yes. You”, we must obediently accept the film’s word that “true love” has struck. (Shortly after this, Ajay jumps on to the bar to announce that all drinks are on him, and a bump-and-grind song sequence follows, featuring back-up dancers presumably hired from Devgan’s recent films like Cash.) He woos Piya in increasingly silly ways. She reciprocates. There is a misunderstanding. They part ways. She comes back to him. He’s waiting for her, with a house that’s done up entirely in white (her favourite colour) and a dog named Mr White, and they get married (I mean Ajay and Piya). Strangely, she fails to do the first thing any conscientious spouse would have done – that is, give marching orders to his quartet of moronic pals.
Then it turns out that Piya has Alzheimer’s, and on this note the Intermission sign appears: “You can go to the snack bar for your Dispirin now.”
U, Me aur Hum is consistently wrong-footed, its tone lurching (sometimes within the same scene) from unfunny screwball comedy to intense psychological horror to cutesy romance. (The bouncy song “Saheli jaisa Saiyyan”, incongruously deposited in the middle of a high-drama scene late in the film, exists for no reason other than to provide TV channels a standard romantic music video.) The screenplay is littered with convoluted faux-philosophical discussions (never use one sentence when you can use five, is the motto), homilies, spin-offs from corny Internet jokes and general vagueness. (“Dukh ki baat yeh hai ke isme khushi ki baat nahin hai,” says a doctor, making a bittersweet announcement.) No premium is placed on political correctness either: in Ajay’s office, his receptionist passes him the phone with the words “Doctor, someone wants to talk to you. Serious mental case lag raha hai”.
Personally, I don’t think this film deserves measured analysis – I would have been perfectly happy to do a jokey review recording some of the unkind thoughts that went through my mind during the cruise scenes (e.g. “The appearance of a deadly iceberg would conclusively prove the existence of God” or “Now would be a good time for the Jaws shark to leap out of the ocean and into this 12-storey boat”), or to speculate that Ajay and Kajol might be Clark Kent and Superman respectively, given the camera’s odd refusal to show them in the same frame in the ship scenes. But since U, Me aur Hum touches (however facilely) on a serious issue, and since many people believe that putting down such movies amounts to being “insensitive” (as if making fun of a badly made film were the same thing as making fun of Alzheimer’s), I feel almost obliged to make a few considered points. So here goes, and the hell with spoiler alerts:
- Given that the story is about a relationship deepening and maturing in the face of adversity, a strange thing happens in the last few scenes (which should be preserved in a film museum as the definitive word on paying lip service and then chickening out). After much soul-searching, Ajay has made the difficult decision to take Piya home and look after her himself, rather than leave her in a care facility. “I promised her that we would go on a cruise to celebrate our 25th anniversary,” he tells his friends, “and I intend to keep that promise.”
This is very heartwarming, but at this point the film (which has already spent oodles of time on buffoonery and annoying supporting characters) simply decides to wind up. For all the preaching about your responsibilities towards those you love, not the slightest effort is made to engage with the difficulties and adjustments that a couple living together in the shadow of such a disease must face (they're a nuclear family, he's a working man who needs to be out of the house most of the time, her condition has nearly resulted in the accidental death of their child, and she is subject to mood swings and hysteria). Instead, it fast-forwards more than two decades ahead to reassure us that this made-for-each-other couple did in fact manage that 25th anniversary cruise together. (In these scenes, I got the distinct impression that the anniversary is the only thing that really matters and that the intervening years of these characters’ lives are mere background detail.)
Further, the middle-aged Ajay has clearly made the most of a bad situation – as he tells fellow passengers listening to their love story, he gets to “patao” his wife afresh nearly every day (because she keeps forgetting who he is, or how they got together), and then there are those “bonus” days where she remembers everything and all is normal. When he finishes the story (to the moist-eyed applause of the other vacationers), it turns out that this was one of those bonus days: Piya, who had been listening to the story as if it was new to her, was only pretending to have forgotten him. Voila. What a warm, fuzzy way to wrap things up. Starry-eyed couples everywhere will be wishing that one of them gets Alzheimer's – it sounds so much more exciting than your regular relationship, which dies painfully within a few months, since neither of the partners ever forgets anything.
- Technically speaking, there are moments that betray a lack of cinematic common sense. Take the lengthy sequence where Kajol places her baby in the bathtub with the water running, goes out of the room and then zones out – distracted by the sight of a lizard stalking an insect on the wall, she forgets about her infant, leaving him in mortal danger. This is intercut with shots of Ajay reaching home and making his way upstairs; the house attendant chatting with a friend at the door, unaware of what’s happening inside; the family dog barking loudly; the water level slowly rising above the baby’s head.
Viewed in isolation, this is actually a well-constructed sequence straight out of the how-to-do-suspense textbook. Built around the question “will the child be saved in time?”, it demands a certain emotional investment from the viewer, and the cross-cutting is skillfully enough done. But looked at in context it’s simply gratuitous and unnecessarily prolonged – because, you see, in the scene before this one, we have already seen the baby being brought to the hospital, treated and revived. The bathtub scene is a flashback that is shown after the doctor asks Ajay what happened. So there really wasn’t any suspense to build in the first place. It’s an example of a first-time director trying too hard to experiment (with chronology, in this case) and abandoning basic sense in the process.
But I’m getting way too analytical now. The eventual message of U, Me aur Hum, and it's one that's hard to argue with, is that life is basically a series of great cruises with a bit of Alzheimer’s thrown in to add some grimness to the mix. This means that Star Cruises, which is one of the film’s advertising partners, has got the best deal out of the project. (The worst deal is reserved for Devgan and Kajol’s real-life children, who will grow up to watch the most embarrassing home movie ever.)
P.S. Anyone interested in a list of the five scenes I actually liked in this film, feel free to email.
on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008, 7:48 am in Film › 
Email this
› 
Retweet
› 
Reddit this
› Link
› Reader links
Thanks Jabbsy for your tasteful and insightful reviews. Was on the fence with this one, as I adore Kajol’s untapped potential as an actress, but judging from the cotton candy backdrops and tres cheesy songs, I will pass. BUT, this line will keep me giggling for days: “…it sounds so much more exciting than your regular relationship, which dies painfully within a few months, since neither of the partners ever forgets anything.”
Isn’t this straight out from movie: ‘50 first Dates’ starring Adam Sandler?: “Further, the middle-aged Ajay has clearly made the most of a bad situation – as he tells fellow passengers listening to their love story, he gets to “patao” his wife afresh nearly every day “
How about the scene where Russell Crowe forgets their child in the bathtub in ‘The Beautiful Mind’, does that sound familiar : …where Kajol places her baby in the bathtub with the water running, goes out of the room and then zones out ….
I haven’t seen the movie, but seems like a waste of time.
It’s also in Unaccustomed Earth. Did Jhumpa rip Sylvia Nasar? :)
some people my age aspire to companionship, kids, money or happiness.
my one pending aspiration is to walk on my hands. i can die after that. seriously. that’s all that would take for me to cover off my list of mortal activities. i would be like , ‘The Khoof. he came. he saw. he walked on his hands. that is all. khatam’.
I’m nowhere close to achieving that - but if this guy is actually standing on his arm, i am extremely envious and am turning bhindi green right now.
The female lead of the movie gets Alzheimer’s ??
This disease happens after the age of 65.
Besides, India has the LOWEST rate of Alzheimer’s disease anywhere in the world. They are doing studies in Universities to learn why this disease is almost non-existant in India.
Wow, moronic writers of Hindi movies have become completely out of touch with reality.
.
the plotline held such promise. alas it caved to sentimentality. imagine what the farrelly brothers would have done with this material. let’s see, there needs to be some sidebars. let’s see.
- sleazy guy who makes multiple tries to bed the alzheimer sufferer by pretending to be her husband, but fails each time, and gets mangled in increasingly grotesque ways through the movie. this could be the recurring joke through the movie
- “the water level slowly rising above the baby’s head” - in stead we could have the sufferer forget to change the diaper, until it’s a large, stained and lumpy crab shell at the baby’s bottom, at which point it suitably explodes and the spray lands into kajols facepack - and she rubs it on, realizing her skin comes out smoother than ever.
- the main plot line of course would center on the husband trying to get through to the wife and the wife wantng to stay in touch. actually ’sleazy guy’ could become part of the main plotline. let’s flip this around. sleazy guy absconds with the wife on the cruise with the purpose of consummating and/or making off with the code to the safe where jewels are stored. the husband spends most of the movie trying to catch up with the cruise and suffering various indignities en route. of course the sleazy guy never consummates, is probably left behind on an island with a horny ape while the ships sails into the setting sun.
The End - i have a full screenplay yaar around this. all serious offers shall be considered.
RC wrote:
To me, you seem to be out of touch with reality. You should know that Bollywood writers have never been in touch with reality, and have been churning out crappy scripts for decades now :)
Haven’t watched it, and am not going to either - but I really wonder how much of the serious part of this movie is ripped off from ‘Away from her’… which deals with the same thing, the wife slowly losing her mind.
Those who have watched both these movies, do let us know.
I’m not trying to lend credence to the movie’s plot but technically, it is possible.
Also, why are lizards-on-the-wall overrepresented in movies about Alzheimer’s?
I am aware of the early onset Alzheimer’s, but it is a rare condition amongst Alzheimer group, on top of the fact that Alzheimer as a disease itself is extremely rare in India, makes the premise of the story looks shaky. Besides there are so many other conditions that are actually prevelant in India that they could have chosen, so I wonder why choose the one disease that is identified the most with old. Well they must have their reasons.
I love the khoof-khatam alliteration. I love the way your head works khoofia, and I don’t intend any innuendo here. Would you mind sharing a few biographical details? Seriously.
Dari: somehow I doubt the Devgans will think this is a tasteful review.
VG, Randomizer: I suspect we’ll find many other “references” to Hollywood films if we put our minds to it. Incidentally the film as a whole is supposed to be a copy of Nick Cassavetes’ The Notebook, which I haven’t seen.
Khoofia: I would pay five times the regular ticket price to watch that Farrelly Brothers film! Do expand that script…
It’s a trap! :)
Wow, I couldn’t agree with this review any more! I’m not a huge fan of either Devgan, but I thought this movie looked pretty good in trailers. I wanted to walk out of the theater within the first 30 minutes, but being the cheap Indian that I am, I stuck with it, hoping to get at least half my money’s worth. I should have walked out. I could have taken a more comfortable nap at home ;)
Jokes apart, I did stay awake through it all, but only because I kept hoping it would get better. The first few reviews out for the movie were great, which sucks because the Devgans will think they did a great job, when in reality, they didn’t. At all.
“This is two bad movies for the price of one” - I felt this film spent so much time trying to show us their relationship that Alzheimer’s actually got put on the back-burner. Which sucks. If you’re going to make a film on such a sensitive subject, it should be like Black or Taare Zaameen Par, where the main focus is on the subject.
“a bump-and-grind song sequence follows, featuring back-up dancers presumably hired from Devgan’s recent films like Cash” - hahahaha, seriously, horrible picturization. Way to ruin what should have been a more serious film. And although the Saaiyan song was cute, it should have been right after they got married, that way Ajay could have been light-hearted in it too. Really bad placement on that song.
“he screenplay is littered with convoluted faux-philosophical discussions ” - can you believe 4 writers worked on this script?! They should all be banned from writing ever again. There wasn’t even a single good quote on love or marriage. And I hated that repeated “You know something…” dialogue.
“given the camera’s odd refusal to show them in the same frame in the ship scenes” - that and the extreme close up shots gave me a serious headache
Have you seen Salaam-e-Ishq? The John-Vidya storyline in that is about Amnesia, so it’s got some similarities to this. But it’s handled 100 time better, it really makes you feel for the characters.
And on a more superficial side, who did Kajol’s make-up? The lipliner was horrible! And who dressed Divya Dutta in that horribly tight and cleavage-bearing outfit in the one punjabi number?
Bad movie on all counts.
Maya: I’m not sure that the film’s focus should necessarily have been on Alzheimer’s (was discussing this with Baradwaj Rangan, a reviewer I admire enormously, and he pointed out that this isn’t really an Alzheimer’s film - the disease is more like a pretext to explore the deepening of a relationship), but yes, in my view Devgan made facile (and dare I say, insensitive) use of it. There was something very random about the way Alzheimer’s was just thrown into the mix, especially given the tone of the first half of the film.
And I can totally believe that four writers worked on this script. What was that again about cooks and broth?
It is also rumoured that the movie is a copy of a Korean movie called, A Moment to Remember, although that has a different ending, more realistic. And of course there is a resemblance to 50 First Dates. Even after this, it took 4 people to write the movie??:-)
Very well written review, enjoyed it!
You took the words out of my mouth RC. Alzheimer is a strange choice if a Bollywood film is truly targeting the Indian audience but of late that beauty industry seems to be caught between the lure of the global market and the comfort of being stuck in its rut. More locally-relevant diseases like TB, AIDs, and alcoholism (remember Meg Ryan?), with their respective social taboos, would have been more interesting to boring researchers like me. But none of those diseases will accomodate the concept of 50 first dates–so I guess, in their own fumbling way, they know what they are doing.